Usually performed at or around Chistmas time.
Characters: Molly, Father Christmas, St. George, Turkish Knight, Prince of Morocco, Doctor, Johnnie Jack
Molly
Room, room, brave gallants all
Pray give us room to rhyme!
We come to show you activity
This merry Christmas time
Activity of youth, activity of age
I will show you such activity
That never was acted upon a common stage
And if you don't believe what I say
Step in Father Christmas and clear the way
Father Christmas
In comes I, Old Father Christmas,
Welcome, or welcome not;
I hope Old Father Christmas
Will never be forgot
To all in this room there shall be shown
The dreadfullest battle that ever was known
So walk in St. George with thy free heart
And see if thou canst claim freedom for thy old part
St. George
In comes I, St. George, the man of courage bold
With my broad sword and spear
I won ten pounds of gold
I fought the fiery dragon
And drove him to the slaughter
And by that I won the King of Egypt's daughter
So therefore if any man enter that wood
I shall hack him as small as the dust
And afterwards send him to the Cook's shop
To be made into mince pie crust
(enter Turkish Knight)
Turkish Knight
In comes I, the Turkish Knight,
Just come from Turkish land to fight
I'll fight thee, St. George, and if thy blood be too hot
I'll soon fetch it cold
St. George
Ho! Ho! my little fellow
Thou talkest very bold
Just like the little Turks as I have been told
Therefore pull out thy purse and pay
I'll have satisfaction ere thou goest away
Turkish Knight
Satisfaction, no satisfaction,
My head is made of iron
And my body lined with steel
I battle now to see which on the ground shall fall
(they fight)
St. George
O, only behold and see what I have done
I have been and slain my brother just like the evening sun
(enter the Prince of Morocco)
Prince Of Morocco
St George, St George, what hast thou done?
You've been and slain my only son
Is there a Doctor to be found?
That can cure this man lies bleeding on the ground?
(enter Dr. in a long black gown)
Doctor
Yes, there is a doctor to be found,
That can cure this man lies bleeding on the ground
Prince Of Morocco
Doctor, what is thy fee?
Doctor
Ten guineas is my fee, but ten pounds I will take from thee
Prince Of Morocco
Take it Doctor, but what canst thou cure?
Doctor
I can cure the ague, the palsy and the gout
That rovin pain that goes within and out
A broken leg or arm, I soon can cure the pain
And if you break your neck I can quickly set it on again
Prince Of Morocco
Thou must be a noble doctor if that is all true
That you have been telling about
Doctor
I am not one of these little mountebanks
That go about the streets
And tell you as many lies in one half hour
As you would find true in 7 weeks
But what I does I do right before your face
So if you dont believe your eyes tis a very hard case
Prince Of Morocco
'Tis, Doctor
Doctor
Well I have a little bottle which I call Elecampane ;
One drop on this man's tongue and another on his crown
If this man's alive he'll rise and fight again.
(they fight again)
St. George
Arise, arise, thou cowardly dog!
Go home to thine own country
And tell them how we fight
Ten thousand better men than thee
(he departs)
(enter Johnnie Jack - loud applause)
Johnnie Jack
Here comes I, little Johnnie Jack,
Wife and family on my back
My family's large and I am small
And so a little helps us all
Roast beef and plum pudding
Strong beer and mince pies
Who likes that better than Old Father Christmas and I
One mug of Christmas Ale will make us merry and sing
Some money in our pockets will be a fine thing
So ladies and gentlemen all at your ease
Please give the Christmas Boys just what you please
I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
And plenty of good beef and barrels full of beer
The End